“The last year has been a year of creativity instead of productivity, of letting go instead of holding tight, of being instead of doing, of healing instead of performing, and finally of recognizing the essence of love. It was hard and human. It meant I had to let go of the hope that perhaps my life would be different if….and embrace the me I am. It was me learning to be honest with myself and God. It has been good! “
This was my Facebook post on November 12, 2011 and a snapshot of this story…my story. It is a story of coming to terms with death and the life choices that lead me there. It is a story of finding life and beginning to live for the first time at age 49. It is a story not of hope but of possibilities. It is my desire that it will inspire you to pursue truth and live. Encouraging you to walk into a life of honesty with the freshness of truth, I will show you some of the ugly lies that clouded truth in my own life and trust you to find the resonance of truth for yourself.
My journey intensified with the death of my younger brother at age 44 from skin cancer. Death certainly proved to be both an iconoclast and a catalyst but this collection of essays is not about grief but life. Each essay is about truly living and truly loving and yes, about Jesus himself, his grace and mercy, his compassion and patience, his passion for people and his unconditional love. This journey is about tapping into his power and recognizing truth without the strings of religious tradition. How I came to know truth in spite of many misplaced religious ideas. Each essay shares glimpses of grace seen in the moments that are too often passed over and about the constant beauty around us. Each is about God. My hope is that you will hone your awareness and awake to the gentle quaking and the intense vibrations of the spirit inside you that tunes itself to God alone. I encourage you to judge for yourself, listen to the resonance … listen to your spirit. As you get closer and closer to the source of truth you will know it, no person will have to tell you.
Let me be clear. It is not my intention to be a spiritual guide and I make no claims in that direction. This collection of ideas, essays, and stories are sketches of some part of what was going on in my life at the time they were written. They seem disconnected because they are mere sketches of ideas that may develop into other ideas in the future or may fall away as time goes by. These thoughts sum up truth as I understand it so far and seem pivotal in my personal journey. I consider myself a follower of Christ and my intense desire to know God has led me to try very hard to take the Christian jargon out of these essays. In so doing I may displease the theological among you but I have found many of these ideas in theology itself so this misinterpretation should be credited to my lack of skill in describing truth or to my personal misuse of the English language not to my insincerity to pursue God. It is my intention to share glimpses of truth and God’s grace. I realize that in writing this I may misrepresent the God I have come to know but it will be a healing process for me and it is my prayer that you may find some piece of truth in my musing. I am not worried about offending God for I have discovered a God who loves me unconditionally and although I may make him laugh and roll his eyes, he will revel in my writing, as a father enjoying his fourth grade son’s painting on the refrigerator door. The very idea of articulating God and how he works in the world or in my life is difficult, for God is not defined by words, colors, music, or nature itself. He is the essence of all of these and much more. He is infinite. He is God.