The alto wind chime strikes its five melancholic tones into the darkness of early morning, as the aspen leaves percussively rustle in the background. A lone dog barks into the darkness as the symphony of morning breaks into song. The darkness begins a quick fade as the trees, rocks and autumn leaves littering the grass become visible, not in full color but in varying shades of gray. Like a stage, light begins to add color, oh so slowly. First a soft yellow in the midst of grays, and blacks, than the bright white of the aspen tree trunks which are almost fluorescent in the early morning light, their brightness fades slightly, the soft brown of an old wooden fence starts its morning dance and the green of the grass joins. The soft pinkish glow in the east highlights the beauty of the morning announcing the official beginning of the day. It is in pausing to enjoy this moment of love and inspiration that memories begin to flow.
I remember an event from my childhood. When my brother, my mom and I would walk around lakes and ponds my mother would point out a dragonfly and she would tell my brother and I to sit still and put out our finger. I remember watching her as a dragonfly would settle on her finger for just a moment before continuing with his daily duties. I remember the desire to get a dragonfly to settle on my finger. I would sit still and it would start to settle and I would get scared of the dragonfly itself. One question would buss through my head like the wings beating on the back of the dragonfly. What if it bites me? My mother would reassure me but I never could get over my fear of the dragonfly. I love the colors of the dragonfly, I love the double wings and I marvel at the creativity of the God who created the dragonfly but I never taught my children that a dragonfly would settle on a finger because I could never settle my inner struggle enough to model that behavior for my children. Every time I see a dragonfly, I yearn to sit quiet and allow the dragonfly to settle on my finger, but I can never quite do it.
I often wonder what other things in my life I miss because my mind buzzes with all the negative possibilities. How often could my spirit soar if I could just settle in the moment? How often could I bask in the “wow” of the moment? I yearn for the kiss of a dragonfly, the fleeting whisper of inspiration, the moment lost to fear….and yet; I am still that little girl who fails to calm her fear and at the last minute jerks away from the moment of awe.