“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it” Robin Williams.

My Facebook wall is lit with pictures, quotes, and video clips of Robin Williams and I am indeed sad at his passing. For Robin Williams introduced me to comedy. He taught me to laugh at myself and introduced me to some new ways of thinking about hard issues. He encouraged me to seize the day and suggested possibly adding humor to death. The funny thing is that when death wins no one feels humorous. I talked to a cousin last night who just lost her brother. She was in shock and little could comfort her hurting spirit; for she just lost a precious soul mate and her heart was breaking.

The emptiness echoes with a vacancy that is deep and dark and cold. I think that we are light seeking animals and we are not really ok until we are warmed with love, cloaked in friendship and full of hope for the future. Mourning is not that place, depression is not that place, and yet it is my assumption that most of us have a dark place that we tend to hide from those around us. That place where we feel alone. That place where we fail to see a way out and life no longer matters. Peace seems impossible. That dark place that can swallow us at any minute and an otherwise bad decision seems the only way out. After my brother died I found myself in a cold dark place and as time went by it felt more like a cool, safe, healing place. I wish that shift in perception for everyone who finds themselves in those dark places. Somehow find a way to make peace with the silence. I do not know how to make it happen. In fact, I am not sure there is a way to make it happen only that it is possible for silence to change from solitary confinement (our worst nightmare) in to solitude (heaven on earth). I know that counseling helped me through some of my darkest moments. I know that the love of family helped me through some of my darkest moments. Always choose life over death, and give yourself a lot of grace!

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