They say the first time your kids cannot make it home for the holidays is the hardest. I believe it. I believed it before it happened to me but the reality of it is brutal.
The tears keep rolling, down my face. It is not like I am ungrateful for the two kids who did make it…..but I missed the one who wasn’t here. I tried to keep busy with the Thanksgiving meal. I chopped, and basted, and set the table but the walls where quieter than they used to be. The silverware didn’t clank the way it should. The food was drier; the smells duller, the noisy rhythms were no longer music to my ears. It is said that mothers always miss the one that’s gone.
I enjoyed yesterday with the energy of family bustling around me. I loved every minute of Kari’s smile, David’s hug, Cyndi’s support and Jeff’s reassurance. But when everyone left and I missed Sean. I missed his smile, his antics, and his banter. When the lights when off and the day was over, the tears began.
This morning while I sit in my kitchen with the remnants of yesterday’s festivities, I realized, Thanksgiving is not always joyful. Not because you are not thankful for what you have. Not because you don’t have a great family, good food, and the warmth of love all around you but because your heart is missing in action. Your heart is missing the one who isn’t there. I enjoyed being in the moment yesterday but then yesterdays moment was gone and everyone went home and my heart cracked a little letting the tears flow.
I am praying for every mother out there who is missing one of their kids. My heart empathizes.
May your tears flow as God wraps you in his love,
May you know that you are not alone and that you are indeed loved,
May you find a fountain of strength springing from within that will surround, comfort and bring healing to your broken heart.
May the peace of the Holy Spirit rest heavy on your soul!